Lately I have become obsessed with mental blocks. Specifically, my own.
My entire life I've had passionate aspirations... I want to be a writer, a photographer, an artist, a "creative". And I'm very curious about my resistance. That thing I can't quite reach.
I try. I stop. I start again. I stop. I try once more.
I watch as other artists forge forward regardless of fear, or resistance, struggle, or ridicule. They start small, with nothing, and build from there. And before you know it a decade goes by and they are still going. And going strong!!
I am in admiration of them, of their spirit, their persistence.
So I wonder, what holds me back?
Because honestly, it feels like I have been stamped with a branding iron! Permanently branded as the one who "tries". My limited beliefs burned into the fibre of my being. Seared. My creative juices forever blocked inside. Deep. Deep beyond my reach.
But, that aside, realistically...
If I had to answer my own question I wonder if it might be as simple as comfort level, and when challenged creatively I tend to back away. Instead of stepping toward. Walking that bridge between familiar and unknown. Leaning into that place where life becomes, uncomfortable.
Artist, Brooke Shaden, points out on day-one of her Fine Art Photography course I recently signed up for that, "creating" is not meant to be easy. It is absolutely meant to be difficult.
Meaning, I just need to keep walking that bridge.
There are no short cuts either.
I personally have to practice patience with myself, with life, with learning and evolving. Things that can't be rushed. The point has never been to rush. The more I think I must rush, the longer I stay at a stand still. Frozen. Perpetually planning ahead.
Branded or not, I know my mental blocks are as real as I make them. It's my choice. Logically the resistance I feel is not impenetrable. I can always walk into it and through it. Choose difficult over easy. Stay the course. And ultimately,
Do it uncomfortable.