For the first part of our life all of our decisions are made for us. Including our birth. We didn't ask to be here, we just became. One day. Without our consent. - March 17, 2022

I am a very indecisive person. 

(just figuring out how to begin this post has taken me way too much time and energy)

It dawned on me the other morning, as I wrote about my decision to become a citizen of America, that we are not taught HOW to decide, HOW to make choices... it is just expected.

A learned trait through assimilation I guess. 

So being that decision making isn't my thing, I couldn't help but acknowledge the big deal my choice was. Quite poignant even. Not based on anyone's persuasion, nor affirmation, but simply me stepping into my own.

Choosing to plant myself firmly, and fully embrace this existence. Here and now... connecting myself. Kind of like choosing a socket and plugging myself in.

This decision got me thinking.

The fact is, our lives are molded according to our caretakers, or lack of. The peers that surround us. The elders who pave the way. 

We listen, we watch, we learn, we repeat. Our code of conduct based on our first building block. Our foundation. (cracks and all)

As children we process existence by asking questions.

We look outward for answers never thinking to go inward, because that's not what we're taught. We receive answers, accept, and move on to the next big curiosity... allowing the creation of our reality to bloom from our surroundings. 

The silver platter laid out before us simply becomes "what is".

Of course there are those exceptional humans who will question further to find what truth means to them. Who then pave the way for a new way of thinking... for the rest of us to follow. But for the majority, "normal" is created through the eyes of all those that came before us. 

The decision-less. Living learned realities passed down through the generations. 

Our lives a mishmash of existence, created for us, by us. A vicious cycle of decision-less choices. 

I realize then that to make a choice, a real independent choice, takes work. Work to see our own conditioning, to take off our blinders, step back, and inevitably ask ourselves...

Where is this decision coming from?