It was the day before Thanksgiving.

Sitting in a swivel chair, my head down. Snip snip snip… I watch as my hair falls to the floor. A striking picture of an Italian actress with pin straight hair and full bangs sits on the work station beside me.

My mind races… terror and excitement run rampant.

I’m doing it! Holy moly. It feels too easy. But it’s time… is it? YES. I’ve been stuck in long hair, ponytail-dom for years! I need this. I do. I do… but what about the grey? Everyone will see it. Ugh, I’m not 23 anymore. OMG, I am really doing this…

Once done, my hairdresser spins me around to face the mirror. I stare at my reflection.

I see bangs.

I gasp and cover my eyes. Then take another peek.

Oh wow, WOW, oh my… that’s crazy… what a difference!!

I see a whole new face staring back at me.

A new hairstyle frames my face with such... boldness. 

Bangs, that sit high above my dark eyebrows. My hair now just below my shoulders (a good 10 inches shorter) boasting silver streaks, like natural highlights, gracing my right side only.

Huh, how bizarre... a trend setter for the old and greying perhaps??

I see a different woman. A confident woman. A woman not afraid to let her true colors shine.

I make eye contact with my hairdresser in the mirror. I see she’s waiting for affirmation, words that let her know I have no regrets.

I love it. Really I do! It looks SO different. But I love it, I couldn't be happier!!

I can’t stop smiling.

A part of me no longer cares what people will think, another part still terrified.

Next day, during Thanksgiving dinner.

Apart from the gob smacked reactions from my in-laws, being told I looked French, and that having bangs completely changes the structure of my face, it was my sister-in-law's reaction that hit it home.

Ruth, this is a GAME CHANGER!!!

It was exactly how I felt. 

I chose a change that meant I could no longer hide.

A simple hair cut had somehow flipped my entire existence on its head, allowing me to finally embrace my 53 years. I changed the game by releasing the noose (my hair tie!) and letting my grey hair free...

In turn, letting myself free.

Which has somehow given myself new found courage, making me realize that it's time to move on, take my next bold step, and do the things I feel called to do. 

Thus, here I am, writing my first post since May last year. This time however, with a plan of action. 

Since the one thing I've struggled with over the years is changing my inconsistent blogging habits I have decided to come at this from a whole new perspective.

Instead of waiting for the urge to write, I am giving myself a 2020 challenge. A theme to focus on, one that will encourage regular posts (at least monthly), and a chance for me to investigate something that I struggle with most in life... 

CHANGE.

Implementing change. Embracing change. Sustaining change.

Change is my nemesis, so why not confront it head on?

By sharing this post I am publicly challenging myself to research this topic from head to toe, to get to the bottom of human resistance, and by the year's end hopefully have an in depth look and a better understanding of what it takes to implement and sustain change. 

The idea excites me as much as it terrifies me (familiar feeling!).

My resistance is strong. My fear of quitting, my biggest deterrent to even begin.

But I will do my best to begin.

To give honor to my new found courage.

And to ride the power unleashed by my one simple act of removing the hair tie!