It was the day before Thanksgiving.

Sitting in a swivel chair, my head down. Snip snip snip… I watch as my hair falls to the floor. A striking picture of an Italian actress with pin straight hair and full bangs sits on the work station beside me.

My mind races… terror and excitement run rampant.

I’m doing it! Holy moly. It feels too easy. But it’s time… is it? YES. I’ve been stuck in long hair, ponytail-dom for years! I need this. I do. I do… but what about the grey? Everyone will see it. Ugh, I’m not 23 anymore. OMG, I am really doing this…

Once done, my hairdresser spins me around to face the mirror. I stare at my reflection.

I see bangs.

I gasp and cover my eyes. Then take another peek.

Oh wow, WOW, oh my… that’s crazy… what a difference!!

I see a whole new face staring back at me.

A new hairstyle frames my face with such... boldness. 

Bangs, that sit high above my dark eyebrows. My hair now just below my shoulders (a good 10 inches shorter) boasting silver streaks, like natural highlights, gracing my right side only.

Huh, how bizarre... a trend setter for the old and greying perhaps??

I see a different woman. A confident woman. A woman not afraid to let her true colors shine.

I make eye contact with my hairdresser in the mirror. I see she’s waiting for affirmation, words that let her know I have no regrets.

I love it. Really I do! It looks SO different. But I love it, I couldn't be happier!!

I can’t stop smiling.

A part of me no longer cares what people will think, another part still terrified.

Next day, during Thanksgiving dinner.

Apart from the gob smacked reactions from my in-laws, being told I looked French, and that having bangs completely changes the structure of my face, it was my sister-in-law's reaction that hit it home.

Ruth, this is a GAME CHANGER!!!

It was exactly how I felt. 

I chose a change that meant I could no longer hide.

A simple hair cut had somehow flipped my entire existence on its head, allowing me to finally embrace my 53 years. I changed the game by releasing the noose (my hair tie!) and letting my grey hair free...

In turn, letting myself free.

It gave me new found courage. Helped me realize that it's time to move on and take my next bold step, do the things I feel called to do. 

Thus, here I am, writing my first post since May last year. This time however, with a plan of action. 

The one thing I've struggled with over the years is changing my inconsistent blogging habits. Anyone would think I don't like to write. But I do, I assure you! So I have decided to come at this from a whole new perspective.

Instead of waiting for the urge to write, I am giving myself a challenge for 2020. A theme to focus on. A chance to investigate something that I struggle with most in life... 

CHANGE.

Implementing change. Embracing change. Sustaining change.

Change is my nemesis, so why not confront it head on?

My challenge is to research, discover, dissect, play, learn. Delve into the scientific facts, the power of the brain, discuss what others are saying, share what I believe works, doesn't work, my personal experiences, insights.  

And by the year's end hopefully have an in depth look at the process of making change happen. 

The idea excites me as much as it terrifies me (a reoccurring theme!).

If the struggles I've had getting to this point are any indication of what's to come, then terror is very much in the lead.

My resistance is strong. My fear of quitting, my biggest deterrent to even begin.

But it's okay. This wouldn't be a bold step without the fear. Fear at least lets me know I'm moving in the right direction...

Speaking of, and without further ado, how about I give you a glimpse into my plan of action?

Or rather, a behind the curtain peek at the evolution of said plan! 

My first thought was to focus purely on "change", pick eleven topics, schedule monthly post dates and share them publicly, to make me accountable so as to ensure follow through. But.

Yes, the inevitable BUT.

I bucked my own authority. My planner, to this day, is bare...  and I missed my first tentative deadline of January 14th.

I certainly don't claim to be the most disciplined (as I teeter on the last day of the month!).

However, this clearly told me my initial idea was too ambitious. Going from zero to sixty would be unrealistic. And rather than beat myself up, I just need to go at this more gently. So...

I have since settled on a more realistic schedule for 2020.

Five posts on Change (March, May, July, September, November).

With permission to let each new topic evolve organically.

And every other month, six "no pressure" posts on whatever I like... a chance for me to play and experiment, share random thoughts, life musings.

My overall plan is to post once a month, before the end of each. 

Phew! 

Seriously. Getting here, as I'm about to hit publish, feels like I just performed a sheer miracle. 

Ah, the power of releasing the "noose"...