Well, 2020 knocked me out cold. Not sick, I just fell silent. My processing system went down.
I of course was not alone, literally everyone in the world was effected in one way or another. For me it killed my writing, my creativity. I could barely think straight. And the worst part being that I had just announced publicly (with zealous enthusiasm!) my 2020 plan to write monthly posts exploring the ins and outs of CHANGE.
The ink was barely dry when,
The world changed. Everything changed, making my big bold plan seem utterly pointless.
It was like the Universe literally snatched the pen right out of my hand to eagerly let me know,
I GOT THIS!!
Proceeding to then write the most elaborate, over the top thesis filled with painfully raw examples of just how darn easy it is to make change happen in our lives. All the while laughing at my audacity to think I could compete, snickering at my pumped up rhetoric and inability to follow through.
Or something to that effect... (!?)
I'd love to say I told the Universe to "get lost" but nope, I instead buckled. My well of inspiration dried up and no matter how hard I tried, my words remained choked within me. So for the majority of 2020 I remained silent. I let the months slip by. I simply survived.
I worked at home for three months (April-June). I watched the Township's parking lot behind my apartment go from full and bustling to virtually empty every day. I witnessed haunting walks to and from work during which I barely needed to look to cross the road, there were so few cars. I passed by many a closed business and barely saw a single person. For several months it was like being on the set of an apocalyptic movie.
Yet during it all, life for my husband and I didn't change that much.
We still worked, ate, slept, and worked out. Still watched movies on the weekends, enjoyed our kitties, our cozy apartment, cleaned. Got to stay home, which in the best of times is our preference, the whole time never once feeling forced to be at home like many did. For us, our apartment was our haven. Is our haven.
Life actually threw us a bone (this time). We were one of the lucky ones, and for that I couldn't be more grateful.
So now what??
Well, the world is still a crazy mess and getting crazier by the second, but sadly that will always be the case. I certainly can't change that. But what I am ready to change is how I react to it all. I am done being the discarded computer in a junk yard. I have way too much I want talk about and share. So many post ideas have popped into my head over these past few months which has got me excited and relieved. It lets me know that I am finally rebooting.
Today is my restart...
If you've been here before you may notice I have updated the look of my blog, and rewritten My Story. With a clearer understanding of my reason to write, I am feeling ready to give this another shot. This time with no big announcement or specific plan in place because,
Clearly that's not my call.